just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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