I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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