so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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