you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
