I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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