I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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