Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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