HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
