I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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