Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
