so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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