Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
