so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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