I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
