God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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