I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
