be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize