...so i touched it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
