kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
