time to smoke my breakfast
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
