just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
