youre lurking in front of me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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