Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
