Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
