she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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