Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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