There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i came on her dog
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
