we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a search helicopter?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
