Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
