I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
