In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
