uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
