You're my little dorito
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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