i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
