I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
