i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
