glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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