Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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