on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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