There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
