Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
