her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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