I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
