Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
