If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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