Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
