there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she told me i tasted like america
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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