upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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