just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
