ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
