this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
