So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I looked at my own cervix.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
