My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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