omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
