using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
