So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
did i walk over a car last night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize