So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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