Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
