Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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