i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
