Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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