plz talk dirty to me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize