i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
